she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
