I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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