Plan B is the new Plan A
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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