Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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