i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
