very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He better not be in your backpack
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
