Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
