So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
