dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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