Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
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I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
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I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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