i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
