Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
