I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
my shit smells like andre
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
