You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
