I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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