What a fucking waste of an outfit
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
