I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
