Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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