ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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