So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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