Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
