Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
