if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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