you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
