I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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