every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I need moral support for this bender
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
