I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
