he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
