I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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