Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
