Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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