I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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