I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Randomize
