the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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