we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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