im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
