Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
