Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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