So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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