what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I need a burrito and a hug.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
