it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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