Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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