I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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