Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Sorry about my life...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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