I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
