take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
