You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
