im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
