Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
