Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
