Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
