Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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