did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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