I'm jealous of your bromance
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
