I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
