I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
