I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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