i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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