So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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