There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
