ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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