i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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