Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
