apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
