Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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