I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
