okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
zippers are such a cool invention
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
