YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
