Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
