I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
