Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
