tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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