She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You ruined the universe
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
