By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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