You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
