And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.