You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious