I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Be still, my beating vagina.
25 Hilarious ‘Sex Clubs’ You Should Try To Join
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.