Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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